Thursday, 22 March 2012

* 24 / 2012 *

 So this morning I slept in, only by ten minutes but it was enough to knock me out of whack so to speak. I got myself all stressed out and flew around the house like a maniac, not that I had any need to but my routine was out of the window and I like my routines..... sometimes too much I think.

 I got the boys to school in plenty of time, there wasn't any need to rush at all and then I headed off to Asda to get a few bits of bits and bobs for tea. On the way there I had the most horrible feeling in my stomach, you know when it's like dozens of butterflies are going mad inside and are trying to burst out?

 Then for some unknown reason I started to cry , floods and floods of tears just running down my face and the strange thing is that I have no idea as to why I was crying. There is nothing wrong and nothing upsetting me but the tears just kept on coming. So I just sat in the car in the supermarket car park until they stopped.

 I got my shopping and a bunch of daffodils as a treat and then set off home. On the way back I realised just what a glorious day it was the sun was shining and the sky was a cloudless brilliant blue and at that very moment I thought ' stuff it' everything I had planned to do today can wait,

 Who is going to really care if the dust sits there a bit longer or the washing stays another day in the basket, what does it matter if the breakfast dishes are still there at tea time or the ironing doesn't get until another day. What does it really matter??

 So I unpacked the shopping, made a quick toilet stop grabbed some poop bags and threw the dogs into the car, well not literally threw but you know what I mean, and went for a walk in the park. The birds were tweeting and singing, it was warm enough to wander around in my short sleeves and we took a slow amble around the full park.

 The dogs didn't care how far they walked they would have gone on for much longer. I found a quiet spot at the top of a little hill and sat down just taking in my surroundings and thinking how beautiful it all is and how miraculous Mother Nature is and that sometimes all we need is just to take some time out, to take some deep breaths and relax.

 I read somewhere the other day that the average working mam has just 26 minutes a day to herself, 26 minutes,,,,,, it's not a lot is it? So I think I need to make the most of those few minutes and do something for me ... I need me time. Time where I can choose to do nothing or maybe something just depending on how I feel. I need to not get so stressed out and worked up about things.

I have a few more orders for bunnies then I'm not doing any more,( orders that is) once again I've got myself into a hole where I've got three to do before Easter. I could have done them quite easily but sometimes I just don't feel in the mood for knitting, sometimes I just want to play on Farmville or read Blogs or maybe just have a look about on Pinterest. I wanted to do Easter stuff for the boys but it's not going to happen as I've put other people before them and for that I feel really guilty, the boys probably won't even mind but I mind and that messes me up inside.

 I'm fed up of feeling tired and worn out from trying to do so many things at once, I'm not the person I used to be and I don't like that.

 I'm taking a step back for a while.


driftwood said...

take care of yourself Lisa, don't burn yourself out xoxo

Annie said...

We mums spend so much time looking after everyone else it's too easy to forget to look after ourselves. Sometimes I've found you have to stop and then start again just to get the pace you're going at absolutely right. And only you can know what that pace should be!

Ann at Beadlework. said...

As I read your blog entry to the end it became clear why you ended up in floods of tears.
You're putting too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Whether it's the perfect mum, wife or knitter - I think we all do it to a degree and taking a step back today was such a sensible thing to do. You're right, we worry too much about keeping to routines - I remember when my son was very young and I had myself frazzled trying to do everything, an elderly aunt gave me some words of wisdom and they really helped.
I must admit that I don't enjoy crafting to a deadline, I find myself resenting it instead of enjoying it so you're not alone.

Simone said...

If you read my last couple of posts Lisa you will see that I feel the same although I don't have the added stress of two young boys and two lively dogs! Take care of yourself Lisa. x

June said...

Your photos are lovely! Take care!

Thimbleanna said...

Good for you that you took a day off -- the dogs sure look like they were having a wonderful time. It's good to slow down and enjoy nature. I hope your burden lightens soon!

Anonymous said...

Your burning your candles at both ends as my Nana used to say. And crying is good, I cry for no reason all the time, Ian thinks I'm a nutter but I don't care. I'm booking us a day off in the diary when I get back to work and we are going on a dinner date. We both need it I think.

B xxx

jane P said...

Well done for taking a step back, I quite understand and empathize about the knitting, it is one thing to knit for pleasure and relaxation, quite another knitting to a deadline!
Don't be hard on yourself, you have hub, two growing boys, two energetic dogs, a home and you work.... phew Lisa!!
Take care

two bones and a bagle said...

Sounds like you made the right decision. Crafting to deadlines is not fun I have done it before and it really stressed me out and took the joy out of making. Looks like you had a good day once you had decided to take time out for yourself. Take care.

Julie said...

Oh poor you. It isn't good to feel so overwhelmed. I had a period like that a few weeks back. Taking time out and working out what is important definitely helped me (and no, dust doesn't matter really). Take care, Juliex

Poppy said...

I always love reading your posts Lisa! I hope you’ve had no more tears, I think we all have days like that. It does you good to leave the cleaning, it's always there for another day.
Have a fab weekend X

Amanda said...

This all sounds very familiar. Very glad you're giving yourself a little breathing space. I think we sometimes need a reminder to do this before it becomes completely overwhelming. Look after yourself. xx

Kim said...

Hope you fell better now lady - you're right, sometimes we take on too much, think we can cope - do cope, in fact - until it all comes spilling out. I lost two friends to cancer last year, and another of my friends found out a week ago that her cancer from three years ago has returned. So you are absolutely right - we need to take a step back and notice - everything. Especially your semi naked men from Pinterest :)